Women experiencing unplanned pregnancy or parenting
My name is Giselle and I would like….. No, it would be an honour to share with you my story. I have sat back for some months now, unable to write as I have had to deal with all the emotion, the comments, that an unexpected pregnancy brings.
In August 2006 just after losing my dad to cancer, after my mum survived a head on collision with a Mac truck and the death of my uncle, all in the space of 2 weeks, I found I was pregnant. I can’t quite explain the feeling, I was stunned, numb, and I couldn't really process all the information. With my mum still in High Dependency, I couldn't talk to her, Darryl (my husband) was equally numb, and I couldn't talk to him. I felt very alone. I wanted so much to talk to my dad, as he was always so solid and sound in advice, which only made things worse because I couldn't access that ever again. I was an “in control girl”, I thought things through, made wise choices; I couldn't work out why this was happening. We returned to Hobart and I saw my obstetrician, I was 8 weeks. I had hit an all time low, one that I had never experienced before, I stopped sleeping, couldn't eat, I couldn't function in my job, I felt useless and alone and no one could help me. How would I get through a pregnancy like this? How will I be able to function as a mummy again? We already had 3 great kids that were getting big, and had called the baby making a day a long time ago, and here I was pregnant and unable to cope, I felt I’d never be a great mum to this baby!!!!
By the 9th week our baby was gone and I decided that I could never be in this predicament again, so while in Hospital I had a Tubal Ligation (my tubes tied). I thought that would be the fix! 4 months later I was pregnant again. By the 8th week our baby was gone. My Doctor said it was a one in 10 million chance of falling pregnant after tubal ligation and it wouldn't ever happen again, and I was the one. How wrong he was. 8 months later we lost yet another baby.
This was the ultimate insult, I had wanted this baby. I wanted something to make me laugh again, to make me smile. I wanted to feel alive for just one moment. I just wanted to hold someone who wasn't hurting. By now I was struggling to keep my head above water, I felt like I was in a pit and was being swallowed. There had been so much loss and grief in my life in the last 12 months that I just couldn't comprehend it.
It was around this time we decided to take a year off and travel around Australia. We spent 8 weeks in Broome working to fund the rest of the trip. It was there that I fell pregnant again. I’d had a contraceptive implant put in before we left, and had thought that that would have been enough to keep pregnancy at bay…but not so. I became the one in a million AGAIN!!! I was so shocked to see the 2 blue lines come up, not just once but 3 times with 3 different tests (I had to be sure) I started to cry. Here we go again I thought. I was thousands of kilometres from home and I was pregnant. So I cracked another bottle of white and had a drink, in fact I drank the whole bottle. The next day I was overcome with guilt, I knew there was a baby growing inside me and I filled him or her up with booze. Now I was dealing with an unplanned pregnancy and all of the alcohol I had drank. What had I done to this baby?
As the days and weeks went on I began to feel more and more sick. The caravan park loo was my closest friend. I spent many hours sitting on the floor of the shower throwing up. I had forgotten what the morning sickness was like. At around 10 weeks I felt that I had to talk to mum, I called her almost in tears. I felt like a naughty 16 year old who was “fessing up “to their mother. I told her that I was pregnant; I was fighting tears all the time. My beautiful mum said, “Why are you worried Gis, you're a great mum, you have great kids to prove it. Great kids don't just happen, they are the product of great parents who know the important of teaching honesty, showing love, growing character and showing and teaching self control, you will be a great mum to this little baby too.”
It was about this time that I pulled out Berns book and started to read. Every page was a journey of overcoming what others would think impossible, what i was feeling was impossible. I started to see that if my beautiful friend could have a baby at 16, raise him and do a great job, then i could at 36.... For the first time I started to see that I could do this and I could be not just a good mummy but a great mummy to this baby and my big kids. How lucky this baby would be and what a blessing he would bring. .
We continued on our trip out and we did eventually tell the kids, who were ecstatic, to say the least. We returned home in my 24th week, and it was home where I found that people were the most negative, to most hurtful and insensitive.
“Don’t worry dear they grow up quickly”
“You’re mad!”
“I’d jump off the bridge, I’m well and truly over it!”
At first I was really hurt at people’s lack of sensitivity and consideration to how I was feeling. I would feel crushed and devalued as if I was a “freak” But before long I realised that it was others that were missing out, I was having this amazing little baby who, planned or not, was going to bring so much joy to me and my family. How wrong their words were, as now that I have my little miracle I can see that he was very much meant to be here and in our family. There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful for him and his love. What would we have robbed this world of if he wasn't born? And the comments that people made well, honestly they’re the ones who are missing out.
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My name is Donna Orton and I am 43 years old. I was born in 1966 in East
Melbourne, the eldest of 3 children, to a loving middle class family. (I have a sister
2 years younger than me and my brother 2 years younger again.) About 1976 we
moved to Anglesea, about one and half hours drive east of Melbourne along the coast.
I began high school at a catholic girls school in Geelong. Chris ( my husband ) and I
started going out at the beginning of high school. He lived just down the road from
me and he attended a boys technical school in Geelong.
Sex education was virtually non existent at school and, if it was taught at all it was
usually when you reached year 11 and 12, which was obviously much too late to
be effective. I was quite naive and not very wordly when it came to sex. I knew the
basics about where and how babies were made but that was about the extent of my
knowledge.
Chris ( who is the same age as me) and I had been going out for a couple of years
when the subject of having sex was broached. We were both pretty nervous but
decided we would begin a sexual relationship. Chris was my first steady boyfriend
and I had not had a sexual relationship with anyone prior. We continued with our
relationship, oblivious of the implications, consequences and responsibilities that
come with such a big decision. Of course I fell pregnant not long after my 15th
birthday. I was absolutely terrified and put it out of my mind for as long as I could.
Chris was aware I was pregnant but I guess we both hoped that if we ignored it
for long enough we might be lucky and the situation would just simply go away!!
Not to be. I told no-one except Chris until I was about 6 - 7 months pregnant.
At that stage it was becoming increasingly difficult to hide my growing stomach and
so I confided in a friend who talked me into seeing a councillor at her school and she
took me to see a doctor. I don't know what that doctor must have thought but he was
a kind man and they gently encouraged me to tell my parents. The councillor was a
lovely lady and she drove me to my house and went in before me to tell my mum.
As you can imagine bedlam followed. Dad was called home from work and the tears
and talking began to flow. Emotions were high for the next couple of months and our
house seemed to be a constant rollercoaster. Mum and dad were extremely supportive
and working out how they were going to cope with a new baby and his 15 year old
mum would have weighed pretty heavily, although they tended to shield me from
their dilemma.
Our beautiful boy, Luke, was born on 30th October 1982. Chris joined the navy the
following January and at no stage were we expected to stay together as a couple just
because we had become parents. The next couple of years were hectic and Mum
and dad were determined I finish my education and I completed year 12 just after
Luke's 2nd birthday. Chris and I also married in the December and have been married
now for nearly 26 years. I returned to university when Luke was in preschool to
become a primary school teacher, a dream of mine from an early age. Our next child,
Emma was born 8 and a half years after Luke and Brooke three years later again.
Luke is now 27. He is a builder and lives in Newcastle where he is just about to
move into his new house he has built with his beautiful fiance, Justine. He is the most
amazing young man, so dedicated to his family and still very much a mummy's boy.
We have a very special bond and although I may have done things differently if I had
my time over, I would be lost without him. Emma is 19 and also moved to Newcastle
this year to go to university to study teaching and Brooke is in year 10 and wants to be
a physiotherapist when she leaves school.
Our story might seem like a bit of a fairy tale but believe me it is a story of love,
heartache, determination and a will to make the best of a complicated situation. I was
blessed to have a loving and supportive family which many girls in my situation do
not experience. By sharing my experience I hope I am able to bring some comfort
to others in my situation and know there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
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