Stories of Teenagers experiencing unplanned pregnancy or parenting
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I brought a copy of your book, brave little bear. I went home and went to bed and started to read it and didn’t stop until I hit the last page, I even woke up to it on my face the next morning! I have never read a book cover to cover before. It is the most inspirational story I have ever heard of. Words can’t explain what I felt when reading this book. I wished I had read it before I gave birth to my daughter. You picked me up and moved me to somewhere I have never been before. Everything was true and real and it felt like it was me in your book. By the time I finished it I felt like I knew your family very well. Then I got to hear you speak.... hearing you talk about your life and what you have done is great. I just wanted to tell you that your book has helped me so much and I am a much better mother and allot stronger.
All I can say is thank you for writing this book; it has done its job.
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Hey, my name is Taiarna, I’m 14 and pregnant. I have just found your website. I have been inspired more in the last 10 minutes than I ever have been in my life. Your site doesn’t only give me inspiration, it gives me confidence too. At the start of my pregnancy I didn’t have any confidence or inspiration until I went to a young mothers program and was with other young women who were in the same situation as me. I learned allot and as the time went on I found I couldn’t wait for my baby to arrive. I am now due in 9 days and waiting patiently for my baby boy to arrive. I thank you for writing a book that inspires young women like me to know that we can do it.
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Hi. My name is Yvette. This morning I saw your interview on the morning show, and I just wanted to say a big thank you. It bought a tear to my eye to finally hear someone say that it is ok and very possible to be a young mum and still have a successful and happy life.
I too was a young mum, giving birth to my beautiful son just after I turned 19. From the very beginning of this journey I have had so much criticism and people being openly and overtly judgemental. But here I am now, my son is 15 and a very successful sportsman, and I am nearing the end of my degree. We are happy, healthy and successful members of society. We have proven the critics wrong.
Today I still have some judgement about being a young mum, and I have learned not to let other people’s opinions bother me, but it wasn’t always this way. If there was some sort of resource like yours back then I could have saved myself much emotional pain. Perhaps I would have stood up for myself more often and told people that I actually loved being a mum, and that I’m pretty good at it too!
So again, thank you for what you have done. I know it will give inspiration and support to many young women out there.
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Kylie's Story
At the age of fifteen, I discovered that I was pregnant. I was in a relationship with a 19-year-old, who professed to love me dearly. Although not an ideal situation, I knew that termination was not an option and so carried on with the pregnancy. I was in year 10 at the time and achieving really good results. I continued on and finished the year 8 ½ months pregnant. My beautiful daughter Courtney was born on the 11th of January 2001. 17 months later, on the 14th of June 2002, my second daughter, Britney was born. By this time, my relationship was not in a good way.
I was miserable. I felt very isolated from my own friends, with whom I no longer had anything in common, and I likewise had nothing in common with my partner’s friends. We often argued about my being a boring hermit. 2 years after I had originally left school, when Courtney was 2 and Britney was 6 months old, I returned to do year 11. Studying 5 TEE subjects and juggling 2 babies took its toll and by the end of the first term, I was ready to quit. The school psych managed to talk me into staying, with a reduced load of 2 TEE subjects, with the view to applying for mature-age university entry rather than through TEE score. Then one day he found an equity program offered by Murdoch Uni, which involved a one-week intensive course, and hopefully, a place at uni the following year.
I applied successfully for the course and was accepted to commence university in 2004. With a place at university secured, I left year 11 to have some down-time before returning to studies the following year. Unfortunately, this time was not spent how I expected. Courtney and Britney’s Dad left and I felt like my world had come crashing down. Thankfully, a trip to visit my best friend in Karratha did me the world of good and I returned ready to face life’s next challenge. I spent 4 ½ years at uni, in which time I met and became engaged to Rhian, a man who not only accepted me for who I was, but also my kids as his own, and fell pregnant with his son. I had Jake toward the end of my degree and finished uni with him in the stroller alongside me. When he was 6months old I completed my final teaching practicum (all the while expressing breast-milk in the storeroom at lunchtime) and was presented with my Bachelor of Education mid-way through 2008.
I began working full-time as a year 6/7 teacher straight away, which was very difficult, as the kids had to go to 2 separate daycare centres and it would take me an hour to get to and from work each day after dropping off and collecting. This year I was appointed at the same school as my daughters, which is only 2 mins from home and 4 mins from Jake’s daycare. Life hasn’t been easy by any means, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve always believed that if I worked hard enough, things would turn out right. And they have :)
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Georgina's Story
When I fell pregnant at the tender age of 17 my heart broke. I felt scared, confused, shocked, embarrassed, and unsure. A number of emotions that aren't often associated with the joy of pregnancy. At 17 I believed an unplanned pregnancy was something that just wouldn't happen to me. It happened only to 'Bogans,' girls who slept around, those who went to public schools and those who were from a lower socio-economic class, but never me. What I had done was not against human nature however the mindless way in which sexual intercourse occurred was completely out of character.
It was the first party I had been to without adult supervision; everyone was drinking, including myself. Previously I hadn't had any more than a few sips of my mother’s wine; however at this party it seemed common to drink as much as you could hold. The alcohol did not agree with my small frame too kindly and I was saying and doing things I wouldn't normally consider. A guy I knew from school but never associated with approached me and wanted to go upstairs where it was a bit quieter to talk. At this stage the thought that he may want to have sex didn't occur but once we got upstairs this is what happened. I was 5 weeks along when I discovered I was pregnant. After the first pregnancy test I took displayed a positive reading I went back down to the chemist and brought 5 tests each of a different brand. Most of the brands claimed to deliver results that were 99% accurate. I kept re-testing hoping that I was a part of that one percent, praying my test result wasn't accurate.
However, Praying for inaccuracy didn’t work. I was pregnant. It was a time of sadness and I hadn't one clue as to what to do next. I knew I had a big decision to make, however, the option of abortion was never something that I never once thought about and not due to ethical or religious reasons but more to do with a driving force behind me a gut instinct if you will that let me know instinctively I was having this baby. After consultations with my doctor and with Family Planning Tasmania I made a solid decision to become the best mother I knew how to be and to continue on with my education. The support from my family, friends, peers and teachers was overwhelming and offered a sense of relief, an escape from the harsh criticism of the public.
It took a lot of will power and determination to overcome the stereotype that was then placed on me within the community. It was a hard time but I saw light at the end of the tunnel. I am now 22 years old and the road I am walking is hard even now. I am a single mother working full-time, studying part-time and caring for a child. Unfortunately my daughter’s biological father has yet to see her or be in contact as part of the choice that he made. This will be something my daughter, Madison will find hard to understand as she becomes more able to make sense of the situation but for now Madison is smiling everyday and so am I. I look forward to our future, knowing that I can still achieve my personal goals and knowing that each day will be filled with happiness.
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Hi Bernie, I just wanted to thankyou for your inspiration. I met you at a young mums camp in Tassie a year or so ago. You gave me strength to make something of my life. My goals have change slightly since we wrote them down. I am now involved with a home based business which is taking off for me. It enables me to work from home around little Caitlin and not have to increase my hours in the work force.
I love being able to sit at home in my slippers and stop and start to suit my pride and joy. Caitlin gives me such drive to make this business work. I have qualified for an overseas holiday for my family through the biz i have only been involved with for 4 months. So our first family holiday one that i never dreamt of. I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel and look forward to where i can see mine and Caitlins future heading. I have also received a great income which has made things a little less stressful. You are an inspiration to every young mother and made me realise that dreams can come true.
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I was in hospital for my 17th birthday, a psychiatric hospital. I was diagnosed with Bi polar. Two months after I was discharged from hospital, I found out that I was pregnant from a regular blood test that was done in case my medication needed adjusting. I was in the car with my two best friends at the time I received the phone call to say I was pregnant. I was in complete shock. I couldn't be pregnant, I didn't get my period regularly. I went straight down to the doctors because they told me I had to come off my medication immediately. I remember just crying because I felt like I was outside of my body and looking down at some other young girl who was pregnant. I was in year 11 and nobody else was pregnant, had been pregnant that I knew of. All I could think about was what people would say about me.
The college social worker was amazing in supporting me, she knew the Father and that he had chosen not to be involved and so had his family....to the point of saying they wish I'd miscarry because I would mess the baby up. My class teachers were also incredible and helped me stay in class and keep up with the work. At about five months I was told I had pre eclamsia and I had to cut back the days I went to school, so the teachers all made up class packs and sent them to me and emailed me daily. My Mum was also an amazing support and told me that although she had not wished this for me, it was happening and we would make it a positive thing. I didn't have a very nice experience with some of the hospital staff and I am assuming it is because of my age, as I had a few comments like 'ohhh that's your birth year', or 'oh you are a baby yourself'.
I got through my pregnancy and most of my schooling and my baby girl was induced July 11th 2005. I stayed in the hospital for 5 days because the hospital decided that because of my age I would have to see the social worker before they would let me leave with my daughter. I tried to see this as a positive but all I felt was judged before I had begun. I had a month off with my daughter and then returned to year 12. I thought I could be away from her for classes but it only took a few months and I was completely depressed from being away from her so much. I left year 12 without sitting exams.
I took some time off of school and went to a young mums group every week and received great support from the local youth centre that ran it. The lady that ran the group was a nurse at the Royal and was wanting to change the way teens were treated and supported while pregnant. That group has since stopped running and I have joined another group through Centacare called PrAM which also runs weekly and has the most amazing people in it.
My daughters Father waited until she was 2 1/2 to take me to court for access and that was a very drawn out and judged period of my life. The court appointed psychologist said that her Father and I needed to hand her over to her grandparents and 'go off and live our young lives and then come back and be parents'. I fought this statement to the day I got main care of her. I can not believe that there are still people that think that because people are young, they can not be parents. People in such high positions!
I have always used family day care for my daughter and have found it so supporting. I have just dropped out of a nursing course because it turns out it isn't for me but I plan on going back to uni to do psychology, to help other young people before, during and after life changing events. Goals are so important and I have them. I know I am a positive role model for my daughter and right now, that is gold to me.
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Penelope's story
My name is Penelope. I am 25 years old, and I am many different things. I am a successful educated woman, an environmental scientist working in private consultancy, a lover of sci fi and fantasy novels. I am also a young, single mother to a child with special needs.
After an adolescence of substance abuse and mental illness, I became pregnant with my son at age 17. This occurred in the 3 month gap between the end of high school and beginning of university. For a variety of reasons I was on my own. No family and no partner for support. However the pregnancy marked a turning point in my life. I balanced a difficult pregnancy with full time university studies and 2 part time jobs until I was admitted to hospital for the final months of my pregnancy due to severe health complications.
Julian was born at 36 weeks and immediately admitted to the special care nurseries. To be honest, I can’t really remember the first 12 months of Julian’s life. They were a haze of depression, confusion and sleep deprivation, although punctuated by moments of pure joy.
Right from the outset, there was something different about Julian. By the time he was 2, disabilities to his name included visual impairments and a variety of speech and language disabilities. But there was something else, something more.
Finally, Julian age 6, after multiple seizures and years of what felt like beating my head against a brick wall, we finally got a diagnosis. The rare disease septo-optic dysplasia. The all too familiar battle of trying to find appropriate disability support services for my child was at least assisted in some way by this label, instead of Julian always being written off as the child of a drug an alcohol addicted crappy teenage mother.
During all of this, I like to think I maintained my dignity. I completed university and went on to work as a scientist, juggling my responsibilities as a mother and carer.
And then one day in November 2010 my life was brought up short. Julian in the emergency department, cold, pale and still. They said there was nothing they could do. As I sat next to that hospital bed and felt my child’s life ebb away, I came to a realisation. For all my strength over the years, all my determination to be a good mother, I had neglected one important thing. Myself. I realised that if Julian died, I would die too, because my whole identity was tied into being his mother and nothing else.
And in the end, a miracle. Julian didn’t die. Although from that crisis and those that followed I am still adjusting to life as a mother/carer for a child with an acquired brain injury on top of his other needs.
I have summarised my story here for two reasons. Firstly, to show that YOU can do ANYTHING. You don’t have to have the support of a family, or a church or anyone else. Although if you have, it’s a wonderful thing, I made it through without. And so can you. Some days I still feel like a failure, but I derive some pride from the fact that through it all, Jules and I have just kept on plodding through. That’s the important thing. Just believe in yourself and keep on going.
Secondly, my moment of clarity came as a broken woman. It doesn’t have to be that way for you. Embrace your life, both as a teenage mother and as a unique and wonderful individual. Because you are, and I hope you have someone to remind you of that fact every day. |
