Friends experiencing unplanned pregnancy
Me and Bernie…Bernie and I
I remember the moment I found out Bernie was pregnant… I was sixteen, my Mum was on the floor of the lounge room talking to her best friend on the phone.
“WHAT?!!” I heard as I sprawled around over the couch.
“…Ooh Caaar-mel…Bernadette’s pregnant?”
A pang of electricity and shock resonated through my body, causing me to sit up, and flip head first over the arm of the couch towards my mum and this unbelievable phone call.
My immediate thoughts? “Bernie did THAT?! No way could my best friend, that I thought I knew so well, have SLEPT with someone. Bern was the good girl, she didn’t deserve this…maybe someone like me, but NOT HER! Did this mean her life was ruined? WHAT COULD I DO TO HELP HER?!”
I could be there for her, that’s what I could do. I would not judge her. I knew Bern needed support, needed someone she could talk to who would simply listen, without telling her what to do, hug her and remind her of the incredible person she is and what a fabulous Mum she would be. Who needs a lecture at sixteen years of age, when you have rationally made your choice and your circumstances are not going to change? Deal with it.
‘Bernie, the pregnant girl’, became her label, became the talk of the town. Good catholic girl disgraces parents, school, community. How dare they? Those gossip mongers who did not know Bern, beautiful Bern, tried to make her feel ashamed. I remember telling Bernie that if I could make a T-shirt with “I’m pregnant and proud of it” I’d get her one. I wanted her to walk with her head held high, proud and positive. Did any of those people stop to think about the decision Bern had made? She had decided to go ahead and have this baby. She was taking responsibility for her actions, she was willing to sacrifice her teenage years, to mature to a level beyond that of any other teenager I knew.
I remember Bernie became somewhat of a novelty for a short while with some of her peers, however, these teenagers had their teenage lives to live - parties, dates, shopping and concerts to go to. These were activities Bern simply could not be included in – she needed to look after her beautiful son. A good friend will not let the novelty ever wear off. A good friend will continue to visit, to call, to care…
If you find yourself in the situation whereby your close friend is pregnant, support her. Stand by her. Encourage her to know that she can always be the best person she can be – and she can always rely on you over the years. Don’t always run off to the parties and forget her. She will be sitting at home, nursing her amazing child that she adores, but still wishing she could be out now and then. Consider your friend, look at the pregnancy and child from her perspective, and give her your true friendship – trust me, after all these years, I treasure it.
Bernie has been my inspiration since that day her news was shared with me. Her strength, determination, and resilience have motivated me to take on challenges I might otherwise not have attempted.
Thank you my beautiful friend
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